In the stillness
Sometimes when things in life have you down and you are really struggling, it's a good time to really stop as much as you can and be still. being still helps to center you, helps you to find time to really think about things and even pray.
i've spent a good deal of my last couple of months being still. Kneeling in the quiet of my house, head down, palms up - just thinking, praying and trying to come out of the depth of that UGH place i was in.
One thing i realized...no, more than one but one thing that stood out to me is that i'm pretty sure that i like myself. i'm not perfect and i have some rough edges that need to be worn away (one tends to get those when you live alone) but the real inside me - she's really an ok gal.
And ya know - when things are tough, when life is throwing more curve balls than you can catch - liking yourself is a really good thing...in my opinion. Now this is not a puffed up I'm better than you kinda like, it' s just realizing who i am - who the girl is who chooses to kneel, naked, quiet, still. And that girl is a genuine one - she is not going to play games but neither is she going tso be played with (well...she IS but you know what i mean! LOL). she is kind(mostly), she is compassionate, she has a fire inside of her that's yet to be released. she has wishes and dreams that are not yet met but has hope that maybe some of them will be someday. she has so much love to give and when someone comes along who will allow her to love Him, she will do so with abandon. she is learning to hold those she loves loosely in the palm of her hand, not gripping the life out of them. she is learning to let go when they want to leave. she is girly -sometimes a very little girl on the inside and sometimes longs for a "Daddy" to care for her, she is also a fierce soul who needs a heavy hand with a gentle heart. she is definitely submissive. she is a woman. she loves to dress and act like a woman and loves it when Men act like Men.
And when things are really bleak, she is learning to lean heavily on God- giving Him the reins in her life, giving Him the glory when things go right and being very thankful that even though she is alone so much of the time, God is always near.
Life is a funny thing. If you would've asked me when i was 18 if i'd be a single, childless woman close to 40 and not exactly doing what i think i was created to do, i would've laughed at you and told you no way. but as i mature, i am seeing that i still have those wide-eyed dreams-they've just changed a bit now. -
i've spent a good deal of my last couple of months being still. Kneeling in the quiet of my house, head down, palms up - just thinking, praying and trying to come out of the depth of that UGH place i was in.
One thing i realized...no, more than one but one thing that stood out to me is that i'm pretty sure that i like myself. i'm not perfect and i have some rough edges that need to be worn away (one tends to get those when you live alone) but the real inside me - she's really an ok gal.
And ya know - when things are tough, when life is throwing more curve balls than you can catch - liking yourself is a really good thing...in my opinion. Now this is not a puffed up I'm better than you kinda like, it' s just realizing who i am - who the girl is who chooses to kneel, naked, quiet, still. And that girl is a genuine one - she is not going to play games but neither is she going tso be played with (well...she IS but you know what i mean! LOL). she is kind(mostly), she is compassionate, she has a fire inside of her that's yet to be released. she has wishes and dreams that are not yet met but has hope that maybe some of them will be someday. she has so much love to give and when someone comes along who will allow her to love Him, she will do so with abandon. she is learning to hold those she loves loosely in the palm of her hand, not gripping the life out of them. she is learning to let go when they want to leave. she is girly -sometimes a very little girl on the inside and sometimes longs for a "Daddy" to care for her, she is also a fierce soul who needs a heavy hand with a gentle heart. she is definitely submissive. she is a woman. she loves to dress and act like a woman and loves it when Men act like Men.
And when things are really bleak, she is learning to lean heavily on God- giving Him the reins in her life, giving Him the glory when things go right and being very thankful that even though she is alone so much of the time, God is always near.
Life is a funny thing. If you would've asked me when i was 18 if i'd be a single, childless woman close to 40 and not exactly doing what i think i was created to do, i would've laughed at you and told you no way. but as i mature, i am seeing that i still have those wide-eyed dreams-they've just changed a bit now. -
posted by this girl at Thursday, November 13, 2008
4 Comments:
Hi,
You interest me. I feel you'd be a fine servant.
just saying hi
cathy
Hi sweety
You have no idea how much I can identify with much of this. I too have needed, and have been encouraged, to be a little more quiet and still, and to take a stock take of what I want as I move forward in my life.
Life often has a way from turning out very differently from the way we thought it would. The trick is to find the gift in what we've been given.
There's a lovely quote by Mother Teresa in which she's reported to have said:
"I do believe God never gives us more than we can bear.....I just wish he didn't trust me so much". Can't tell you how many times in my life I could have echoed that.
Sending you lots of love and a big cuddle.
xxx
No Address Man,
I think it may take a bit more of an effort than that.
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