i miss it

i cannot recall the last time i was able to be submissive for Someone. my life has changed so much and this part has again been put on the back shelf. i don't even know how i feel about this - it was such a relief to finally admit and realize that being a sub really was who i am...but to then have to put that part of me away for a bit has been discouraging, to say the least. i guess i should clarify a bit....that part of me will never truly be 'put away' - just i am unable to openly practice, scene, etc that part of me.However, i will never forget all i've learned and the great times i had being able to express this part of me and i long for a time when that can all be true again. i think it will be...just now is a time of desert and quiet and i WILL learn in all things to be content.